Reflections on motherhood

This is a clip of a response I made to Leah McLaren's recent musings on Motherhood in her Globe and Mail column...


Having children a decision? Every child I had (I had 3 boys, now 19, 17 and 10) was either a surprise or a shock. I knew nothing about children when I had my first at 30. I knew nothing about marriage or domesticity for that matter (but that’s another story). Motherhood is a “crash course.” In the spirit of “sink or swim”, everything you need to know is learned in an instant – in that first 24/7 week; at the end of which you are proclaimed “expert” in the minutely narrow field of YOUR CHILD.

My sons are bright, personable and damn good-looking! When it happened, I knew nothing about being a mother. My first son spoke sentences at 16 months. I thought nothing of it. I thought that the few other children I saw must be “slow.” I learned as much if not more from my children than they learned from me. I learned patience. I learned to listen. I learned the finer points of empathy. I re-learned what it was like to be a child - that was a lesson AND a gift!

From the beginning, I had a sense of how momentous the smallest moments could be. I deliberately freeze-framed some cherished times. With Donnie, my first, it was the 1:00 AM feedings when he would fall asleep after I fed him. His tiny head would droop and I would kiss the back of his chubby neck, lingering a moment as I savoured the absolute peace; knowing in my heart that I would always have that “happy thought” to think back on. With Ryan, my second, I filed away the picture of him running towards me after I let him drop off mail at the post office. Long, dirty-blond hair bobbing as he ran, I held my arms out to catch him and spin him around and around in an exuberant pas de deux. With Kyle, my third, every day is like a gift. I had him at 40. I was in precarious health before being pregnant. It was pointing to MS. As my pregnancy advanced I felt healthier. My symptoms vanished and I have not looked back since. He is my inspiration, my motivation and my personal trainer!

I can personally advocate motherhood even though it’s been a largely single-handed endeavour. I furtively gathered my sons and fled from their father 5 years ago. Over the years my little boys and I have had fun going on “adventures”. This can mean being lost or simply exploring new territory but its fun to be Peter Pan again! It’s wonderful to re-live your childhood.

My first trip to BC

In typical "Judi" fashion, I impulsively booked a trip to BC to visit my friend, Zoe this summer past. It was a wonderful reunion of teenaged friends and I fell in love with the BC interior - I mean, who wouldn't! It's so hot, the winters are much shorter the walking is more challenging - gawd, I'd have "great glutes" if I hiked those hills all the time! Zoe is one of life's "good guys" - positive, enthusiastic, loving. She's a personal care worker - extraordinaire no doubt. She just enriches the lives of anyone she meets both personally and professionally! I couldn't be that engaged and interactive with life and people if I tried! I'm more of a "hit and run" kind of person - examine, analyze, engage, interact, step back, reflect, analyze, interpret...you get the picture.

Now I've always been an active person but my good friend nearly wore me out in her zeal to show me a good time and be the consumate tour guide! And was she ever - drives, walks, tours, shopping, dinners, parties, BBQs, talks, talks and more talks. We even tracked down a few "blasts from the past" and chatted by phone about the good old fun days. I introduced Zoe to the "classic" martini and she wowed me by handling 4 (or was it 5) the very first time while I ended up crashing with the party in full swing!

Not being a seasoned traveller, I had worked myself into a worried frenzy at the prospect of flying again. Two hours or so of measured breathing and semi-yoga trance calmed me down sufficiently to make it through the remainder of the flight. Calm set in at last as we approached Calgary. After that, I took immense pleasure in beholding our country unfold below, confirming all of the geography lessons learned in grade school only to later find that we had largely flewn over the northern United States. Then awe, excitement and soul-moving elation swept over me as I flew over the Rockies for the first time. Snow-capped in July! - stately, majestic, emphatic and timeless - reaching almost it seemed to within my touch - what an achingly beautiful world of wonders!

Of course, with Zoe and her partner, Vic there to greet me at Kelowna airport I was instantly relieved of all luggage - both literally and figuratively. As we savoured the prolonged embrace of "chosen" family my cares and worries of the flight and any stresses of work, family or exes evaporated.