Monday, July 19, 2010

On Balance and Boundaries...

Most moms gathering in this forum are amazing, multi-talented mini-dynamos –

magnetic mavens who are often approached by others to mentor and share their talents and expertise.  You know who you are!  Your homes are vibrant centres that reflect the creativity and exuberant love of a woman who lives consciously and emphatically – “con gusto” to use a musical term.  From life’s electric energy you recharge yourself for the constant draw upon your seemingly boundless resources of joy, love and giving.
That’s wonderful if you can go to bed at night with a smile of peace.  That means that you are most likely enjoying a state of grace called “balance.”  In that state you enjoy a return on the investment in your families, homes and work for the boundless personal energies that you expend.  If, on the other hand, you go to bed feeling empty and depleted, that might very well mean that you have a one-sided relationship with life that’s in need of a “market correction.” 
Some of us suffer from what author, Harriet B. Braiker, calls “The Disease to Please.”  That’s called “co-dependence” girlfriends.  It’s unhealthy and toxic.  It can consume you to the point of swallowing your identity and your life.  It occurs when you take a good thing – pleasing people - and run it to the “nth” degree.  So caught up can you get in pleasing your plethora of “peeps” that you neglect yourself.  So accustomed do these same peeps become to receiving your selfless administrations that they take them for granted. 
At that point you are feeling like you’ve left the birthday party without your “loot bag” or that you got your spelling test “A” without your gold star.  A co-dependent’s motivation is to fill emotional voids – typically of love and self-esteem; the modus operandi; in all fairness, usually subconscious rather than overt, is to obligate the other party to supply their deficiency by tipping the scales of give-and-take in their favour.    
The antidote for toxic love is the adoption of healthy personal boundaries.  For tips on setting healthy personal boundaries in your life, click HERE!

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